How can you cope with stress at school? A few tips from a psychologist
School can be a stressful place for pupils of all ages, from those just starting out to older students. Stress is an inevitable part of life, and the statistics leave little room for doubt. So how can we deal with this problem at school and help children cope with difficult moments?
Stress can have serious consequences for children: poor sleep and, as a result, difficulty concentrating, sadness, withdrawal and low self-esteem. Which situations are the most stressful for children?
My child is stressed about school. Why?
‘When we think back to school, we recall happy memories: trips, meeting friends and playing. But if we look further back in our memories, we are sure to remember situations that were far from pleasant,’ says Iwona Godorowska, a child psychologist with more than 30 years of professional experience. ‘When we ask today’s pupils, who do not yet have nostalgic memories of school, almost every one of them says that school is a source of stress.’
The psychologist spoke to pupils to explore the sources of stress at school. The most common cause they identified was constant pressure. ‘Pressure from parents, teachers and the entire school environment, and the fact that they constantly have to prepare for tests and quizzes and do homework. There is a great deal of it, and sometimes it becomes too much,’ Iwona Godorowska explains. ‘Beyond the usual demands of studying, there are also relationships with peers: conflicts, gossip and other issues,’ she adds.
The psychologist also emphasises that conflicts sometimes arise between pupils and teachers. ‘We ourselves remember the teachers who taught us a great deal, passed on their knowledge and were kind and friendly. But we try to push out of our memories — unfortunately, not always successfully — those who treated us impersonally, called us by our surnames and generally lacked that basic kindness.’
The further along you go, the harder it gets
The move from the early primary years (1–3) to year 4 is a huge leap into ‘mini-adulthood’: there is no longer one teacher or one classroom, and there are more subjects. During these major changes, a pupil may experience chronic stress, which can develop into school phobia.
‘These anxiety disorders can be so severe that they cause overwhelming discomfort and a lack of motivation, and can even interfere with a child’s otherwise normal intellectual abilities. They also lead to lower self-esteem and a reduced sense of self-worth,’ Iwona Godorowska explains. ‘Low mood and sleep problems are signs of ongoing suffering, which can lead to depression, self-harm, suicide attempts and — I am even afraid to say it — suicide.’
How can we avoid stress at school?
Iwona Godorowska emphasises that the best strategy is… to avoid stress. But is that even possible? If we are dealing with someone who causes us stress, we should limit our contact with them. If that is not possible, the practical work begins.
‘We cannot just wave a magic wand and make stress disappear,’ the psychologist points out. ‘The practical work involves recognising the source of our stress — and it starts with a thought in our head. A thought that comes involuntarily. We need to realise that a thought has a very powerful effect on how we feel. If we can deal with that thought, there is a chance we can deal with the stress.’